Not much new

Cool new colors huh? I needed a change from the "pink pink you stink". So here's whats been going on. Ryan's cord fell off finally after 2 1/2 weeks! (After all it was one of the biggest they'd ever seen!) Whew, that thing grossed me out!
I have to give Steve back to UPS this Thursday. Im so bummed about that. I have loved having him home and he has been a great help to me as well as already being a great dad. Im a lucky bitch and I know it!
In other news, the swelling is almost gone and my feet have gone back to their normal size. I almost have my ankles back, but not completely. I can actually bend my toes now so thats a good thing! I might even be able to wear my shoes again instead of slippers! (I havnt tried cuz I haven't been out anywhere). And wait theres more! Without a 9lb kid in my belly, I can even bed over and reach my toes now and paint them! Steve says I look like I got myself a brand new pair of feet! Im dead serious when I say that my calves, ankles and feet were so swollen from the C section you would not have believed it until you saw it with your own eyes. Im still not able to get my wedding rings on. I hate not wearing them. I feel naked without them.
Zachary had his first explorer meeting Sunday. He is so excited about it and we are too. He is looking forward to an upcoming snowboarding trip and also a day trip to NYC. Oh and he has to sell tickets to an upcoming spaghetti supper if anyones interested let me know. $10.00 for adults and $5.00 for kids.
Im so proud of him. Its such a good program to get into and he's doing it at such a young age. I cant wait to see him in his little uniform!

Good friends are few and far between

It seems the older I get, the harder it is to find good friends. Or to know which ones were good to begin with. Sure people come and go in your life and that's just part of growing up. But your true friends should always be around. Its getting easier to spot which ones are worth keeping, and which are not. Isnt that so sad? It makes me sad that some of my "friends" seem to care less that I have a new baby. Something so precious and joyful and huge in my life should be celebrated not ignored. Oh well, time to "cut the cord" I guess.
I was pleasantly surprised when last Thursday, my friend Sheila from work came over for a visit. She was so excited to meet Ryan she could hardly stand it. In traditional Sheila style, she got lost coming over and ended up in Bloomfield . I should have known better when my last words to her over the phone were " I'm less than a tenth of a mile off the highway, theres no way you can get lost!" Damn it, I bet I didn't knock on wood! Anyway, she came all the way from Marlborough, CT just to meet my baby. As if that werent enough, she came with flowers and then made us a fabulous dinner which included the best chicken parm I have ever tasted, salad, and her famous red, white and blue blueberry dessert. Steve and I had a really nice visit with her, though I was a little afraid she might try and take Ryan under her coat and sneak him out! It wasn't a forced visit like she felt she had to come over and make an appearance. She was truly excited to meet my baby and very happy for our family. She's missed me at work. Shes genuine. Not fake. what a nice gesture. That means a lot to me.
This is just one example of friendship. Thanks to all the people who have come over, brought gifts, sent cards or flowers, calls or emails, and those that have offered to help out. You all really do mean a lot to me, as does your kindness.
My point? You don't have to bring me gifts or flowers (although that can never hurt..LOL) to impress me. We dont have to see each other on a regular basis, or even talk on the phone once a week. Just be a good friend. Be genuinely interested in my life. Be there for me during my highs and lows. Let me know you care. Isnt that what everyone thinks friendships should be like?

Ryan's first offical photo

Ryans picture is now on the Web Nursury. The nurse had to take out his binki and snap the picture before he freaked out. He's so cute! Heres the link http://www.growingfamily.com/webnursery/babypage.asp?UrlID=5A6O3K2V9X

Home again Home again Jiggity Jig

So weve been home now for a week, and everythings going well. Ryan is a really good baby. Eats good, sleeps good. No complaints. He hates being naked and having his diapee changed. He's so adorable and so snugglerific! Steve is home with me for 3 weeks. I cant belive 2 of them are almost gone already. He has been a huge help. Im still pretty sore from the C-section. I got introuble from my Dr today for overdoing it. She asked me who drove me to my appt and when I told her I drove she looked at me like I had 6 heads! Ok, so I guess grocery shopping is out of the question then. She says the soreness is gonna last another few weeks and I need to slow it down or Im going to end up worse. Im only allowed to go up and down the stairs once a day, which means I have to have Steve wait on me hand and foot. I know he is happy to do it but I hate having to rely on everyone else for everything. Geesh I cant even get my morning coffee as its on the 1st floor and I sleep on the 2nd. I feel like one of those bitchy wives who orders around her husband. "Honey, coffee, snap snap"...He's so good to me! Zachary is a really great big brother. Very loving and helpful. I knew he would be good, but I didnt know he would be this great. Meanwhile, Im catching up on all the things I havnt been able to do during pregnancy. I dyed my hair and got rid of my grays, and am looking forward to a glass of wine. What a rebel huh? LOL

Wrapping up

The rest of my hospital stay was pretty normal, and not as busy. Steve and Zachary slept at home at night but then came in the morning and stayed all day. I was glad Steve stayed the first 2 nights with me, but then I was glad he was able to take Zachary home for the next few nights.
I was released from the hospital on Tues Jan 16th. I had some great nurses and great food. I kid you not I was eating lobster tails, shrimp casserole and cheesecake daily! Not to mention all the sides. MMMMM. I really do like that hospital, I know some people dont. But to me its like checking into a hotel. Nice room, nice people, great food, and 24 hour babysitting!

Day 3 Saturday Jan 13th

Saturday was a little frustrating. Nursing wasnt going so well. I had a hard time nursing Zachary and it appeared we were headed in the same direction. Zachary was small to start with. 6lbs 10 oz and I attempted to nurse for 2 weeks. And it was a very trying 2 weeks. He wasnt taking to it and he was loosing too much weight so I stopped and at the advice of my pediatrician, started him on formula. Back then, all I had was a hand held breast pump, which is pretty useless. So Ryan was now headed in the same direction. The nurses were trying ot help, but It got pretty frustrating pretty fast. Suzie had given me her really good electric breast pump so after 2 hours of trying to nurse him Saturday morning, I decided to throw in the towel, and just pump it and give it to him that way from now on. He takes to a bottle like a pro. And he's happier doing it that way, and frankly so am I. The nurses were giving me a hard time about it and kept trying to get me to continue to try and nurse, but I wasnt doing it. I was getting so mad. Im not spending the time fighting my newborn, Id rather be cuddling him! There are some women who would get upset if they cant nurse, and thats fine, but Im not one of them. Im still giving him breast milk, its just coming from a bottle. Whats the big deal? Now Steve can help with feedings, I can see how much he is getting, and everyone is happy. Plus, Im not one of those women who can easily nurse in public. Kudos to those who can, I give them credit. Anyway, the pumping, and eating is going well. Its the right option for us. And he now eats like a piggy. Ryans weight was 8/15 when he was born, at one point he was 8/6, and within 24 hours of pumping he was up to 8/9, and thats what he was discharged at. At his 1 week Dr appt he was 8/12 and a half. So theres no doubt he is getting what he needs. Anyway, Steve left for a while to bring Zachary to his basketball game, and then they both came back togther. Watching how good Z is with Ryan is priceless. Its a great thing. We had lots of visitors. My cousin Kim and 2 of her kids, Cari and Johnny. Ryan got to meet Grampy Levine (Steves dad), friends Kevin and Alexa and Brendon and Shoshanna, Uncle John, Maxine and Jeff. It was a busy day! Steve and Zachary slept home that night. Steve was with me the past 2 nights and Z was at his grandparents for one night and Suzies the next. I was eating like a champ at that hospital! Lobster tails, and shrimp casserole were on my menu for the rest of my duration. MMMMMM, I dint want to leave!

Day 2 Friday January 12th

Oh my gosh. Sorry to have kept you waiting for so long. We've had a constant flow of visitors and were trying to get into a routine so I haven't been able to blog. Ok so where were we. Oh ya thats right. Its just before midnight and Im in agony. 8cm, no drugs, dry heaving, pushing. Ya Its all coming back to me now. This continues till just before 1am. The Dr comes in and says "Ok, we have 3 options. One, is we can wait it out see if he comes down any further (as if thats really an option when the meds arnt working) Option two is a C-section".....This is where I jump in and say "just do the c section and get this kid out!". I dont even know what the third option was. I didnt let him get any further! I assume it would have been maybe getting him out with that vacuum thingy or something. Which I wouldnt have taken anyway. So they start calling in all the Dr's that need to be present in the O.R. The anesthesiologist gives me a mega dose of epidural in my IV. Supposedly enough to knock out an army. Because now I need to be numbed from the chest down, instead of the back down. I was then in heaven. I felt nothing. They were pinching me and I had no idea. Aaahhh, this is much better! They get me to the O.R and start prepping me while Steve is off getting his sexy scrubs. At 1:20 am Steve is brought into the O.R. I was told that during the C-section, I would feel pressure, but not pain. As soon as the surgery started, I started feeling things I shouldn't have been feeling. I cant really explain it and I wont get too graphic here, all I will say is that it felt like my guts were being ripped out. Which, of course they were. And I let them know I could feel it. Most of the rest is a blur, and Im going by what Steve told me afterward. He said I actually reached around the curtain to help (or maybe stop) the Dr's! Now the anesthesiologist is pretty mad. Not at me, but that the drugs arnt working. So he gives me some other kinda drug. I dont know what it was but it knocked me out. Apparently I was even snoring! Made the Dr's laugh I guess. I was in and out of consciousness. At 1:37 am Ryan made his appearance into the world. A pretty emotional time for both Steve and I. He was absolutely perfect. Ryan let out his wail, and was given and 8 out of 10 apgar score. Passing grades already! 8 lbs 15 oz and 20 inches long. No wonder he wouldn't fit. He's huge! He has no chubby rolls. He is just solid and thick! He has a huge chest and daddy's broad shoulders! Pediatrician said it was one of the thickest umbilical cords shes ever seen. And a huge placenta. Great I finally get into the record books and its for a big cord and placenta! Anyway, they brought me back to my suite with Steve and the baby. It seemed to me like I was in surgery for an eternity. But it was only 17 minutes from the time Steve came in till the time the baby was born. I cant believe it was that fast. Baby was awake and very alert minutes after he was born. We were up till about 5:30 am and we sent our newest edition to the nursery so we could get some rest. Steve slept 2 hours, I slept 1. I woke up on my own. Im so used to being up every hour to pee! Plus I had the adrenaline going as well. We brought him back to our room at about 7:30 am. So the 3 of us spent the next few hours getting to know each other. Suzie brought Zachary down about 11:00 am ish, and they were the only ones we wanted to see that day. We requested no one visit as we were all very tired and not up for company. Zachary was a dream. He wasn't shy or anything. He went straight to him and wanted to hold him. Z was just beaming. It was really cute. He's is very excited. Im sure that will wear off some day but for now, I'll take it!

Day 1. Thursday, January 11th

Thank goodness Steve took notes as to what was happening and when, cuz its now going to help me reiterate it to you and I was in such a fog there are details I cant remember. As you know, they were going to induce me. Steve and I got to the hospital at about 5:30 pm. The plan was the Dr was going to give me Cervadil, a gel that goes on my cervix to soften it and get it ready for labor. Sometimes that alone will send a woman into labor, but most times it doesn't, its just the start of the process. The next step would have been them to give me a Pitocin drip early Friday morning, that starts the contractions. So, that was the plan. Once we got there, the Dr was minutes away from giving me the gel and he says he needs to check me first because there have been women who have been already dilated 5 centimeters and in that case we wouldnt need to do this. Can you guess what happens next? I was 4 centimeters dilated on my own. He decided to break my water immediately. (And let the nurse know to be prepared because there would be GALLONS as I had so much fluid). A whopping 17 minutes later at 6:30 pm, contractions were coming 3 minutes apart! I could not believe they were coming so fast. By 8pm I was in major pain and requested my epidural. Something I have been absolutely terrified of since I had such a bad experience when I had Zachary. (The anesthesiologist stuck me 5 times because he couldn't get it in the right spot). Anyway, I survive my epidural at 8:30. At 8:45 they start to work a little. By 9 pm, the drugs are wearing off. I could feel the contractions on my right side, but not my left. 9:10 pm Im in major pain and Im 5 cm dilated. More epidural in my IV. At 9:30 pm the anesthesiologist comes back. He takes the catheter out of my back and redoes it with a new epidural. He says I have a twisted spine (probably from my car accidents) and that could be the cause of the epidural not working. 9:45 pm meds starting to work again. 10:10 pm..major contraction pains are back. Damn epi isnt working again! 20 minutes later at 10:30 pm I began asking them to up the dose of the epi and give me more. Dr comes in and checks me at 10:35 pm and Im now 8 cm dilated, and no epidural working, starting to feel nauseous and dry heaving with every contraction that are now coming every minute and a half. Checks me again at 11:10 pm. Still at 8 cm. Still no epi working. 11:20 pm. Another dose of epi in my IV. 11:55 pm~ Damn epi is still not working even with all the extra doses they have put in my IV. Still at 8 cm. I seem to be stuck there. The dr is now making me push to try and get the baby to come down. Now he puts me in stirrups and is making me push that way. So lets review. Ive now been at 8 cms for at least an hour and a half that we know of..maybe more (because before that I hadnt been checked since 9:10 pm), im dry heaving, I have no epidural working, and im stuck at 8 cms without progress. and its almosgt midnight. I was not a happy camper. Stay tuned for my next post (day 2) and I will share what happens next.

Welcome to the world Ryan!

He's here! He's here! And he is just perfect. Cant wait for you all to meet him. I'm going to take you through day by day of my hospital stay. I may not be able tell the whole 5 days in one sitting, so bear with me, we will get there. I will warn you that Im going to tell you everything, so it may get graphic. Well, not graphic but at least PG-13. We are after all talking about child birth. So if your squeemish, stop reading now. Ok, before I start, let me scold all of you. Apparently you wernt listening when I requested "short, easy, labor vibes". Grrrrr.

The time has come.....

Well, were off! Wish me luck and send me some short easy labor vibes! Dont call us, we will call you or expect to hear from Suzie by email or phone. Thanks to all for your well wishes!

Belly pics

Heres the latest belly pics we took. These were taken just after Christmas, so my belly is bigger than this by now! Huge isnt it?

Zachary the superstar

Heres some pictures of my guys after a muddy day of 4 wheeling! There adorabole even when there dirty arnt they?!
Zachary is now the newest (and youngest) member of the Windsor Police Explorers! Yah! Were so proud of him!

We have a date!!! WAHOO!!!!

Just got back from the Dr. Still only 2 cm dilated. My Bp is starting to rise again. I'm going to the hospital to be induced Thursday night at 5pm if I haven't had him before then. They will start me on the gel Thursday night and then start the pitocen drip Friday morning. Theres a big chance I will end up having a C section anyway, because apparently when you induce, it makes your BP go up. If that starts to happen or if the pitocen doesn't work by late Friday, I will be headed to the O.R. Dr was just going to schedule me a C section due to my history with Bp and knowing that I was ok with it, but I told her I would like to try without a C section, and if it doesn't work, Im fully prepared to have the cesarean. I did tell my Dr about the witch that did my ultrasound and she seemed very upset. She said other people have complained and she isnt sure if its the same lady but she was going to find out which tech it was and let JMH know that her patients are complaining. So that made me feel better. anyway, they were going to schedule this for this Monday, into Tues but I said end of the week if at all possible. Mainly for convienience sake with Zachary and school. It would be better for us to have the majority of my hospital time be over the weekend. Im so excited, we finally have a date!

Miss you

I cant believe its been 8 years today that Mom died. That blows me away. And to all the people who said time would make it easier, there wrong. It still sucks. I still feel cheated out of both a mother and a mother in law. Maybe now more than ever.

38 week ultrasound

I hate this stupid ultrasound tech at JMH. Just my luck I get the same witch that did the one I had at 12 weeks. But believe me, I went in there with an open mind and not holding her previous attitude against her. Anyway, this is how it went down. I get on the gurney, which is lying completely flat (The u/s Ive had in Hartford they have had me propped up a little for my own comfort as its really uncomfortable to lie flat). She tells me to take my pants down below my hips, so I do. She tells me I need to take them down more, so I do. She then YANKS my pants and underwear half way down my thigh and says unless I want gel all over my pants they have to go further. I was completely "exposed" and hanging out there! Not to mention dumbfounded as no one has pulled my pants down since I was 3 years old. And no, it was not an internal ultrasound. When your in labor and delivery, you really don't care who sees your hoo-ha. But there was something about being completely exposed in front of the radiologist that skeeved me out. Moving along...she's not saying anything while shes doing her thing. So I keep asking "whats that". I am the parent here, I would like to be informed! Now she seems annoyed with me, like I'm bothering her. She starts DIGGING the wand into my pelvic bone, like right above my left thigh. She was hurting me so bad! Then she makes a comment about they should have told me to drink water so she can see better. Lady, I have a huge baby in there what can you not see? My Dr has even told me that the water thing is only for early pregnancy ultrasounds when the baby is tiny, so they can see better when your bladder is full. She sees how uncomfortable I am and snottily says "I'm just trying to take the pictures your Dr ordered, but your the one feeling it, so if its too uncomfortable for you we can just tell your Dr we were unable to get the images she requested". By now, Im pissed off. And I say "Do you not have the same equipment as Hartford does? Because they never do this to me, and this is my 6th ultrasound!" and she snaps that she doesn't know what Hartford has. So she now draws her conclusion, that he weighs approx 7lbs 10oz. I don't really trust her accuracy. I hope that's right, but now I don't know if my Dr is going to offer me any options other than waiting it out. The original deal was, over 8 lbs= inducing. Now shes tell me he isn't even over 8lbs. I trust the Hartford techs more because they have a real ultrasound tech doing it, not just radiology, and they talk you through everything there looking at, then when there done, a higher up doc comes in and scans you and reviews what the previous tech has concluded to make sure they are correct and didn't miss anything. And they actually care! When I went on Dec 11th to the last one, the first tech said he was measuring at 6lbs 9 oz, and the higher up dr came in and said 6lbs 5oz. So 2 people came in at that weight.
My OBGYN said (yesterday) that based on that, the baby was probably about 8 and a half lbs now. Now I know this is all an estimate and it could be off. But if this lady is wrong and he's really a lot bigger, the only person who's going to suffer is me, as I may not have the options my Dr was going to offer me. I see my OB on Friday, so I will definitely express my concerns. So now were done, and the lady tosses a towel on my lap to clean up with, and doesn't even offer me a hand to help me up! ~Remember, Im laying flat on my back and its not easy for me to get up from that position. Im like a damn box turtle flipped on its shell! And I say "Don't I get a picture or anything?" And she tells me no, that when your this far along, they cant get clear pic because things like bones over shadow. Thats total BS. I had a u/s a week before I had Z and it looks like a baby. And I had one 3 weeks ago and got a pic! She says " I can get you a pic of his abdomen or something". No you jackass, I dont want a pic of his abdomen! This lady was just a bitch!

Ultrasound Update

My ultrasound has been moved till tomorrow at 3pm at the hospital. And my follow up with the Dr moved till Friday instead of Monday. As much as Im looking forward to it being a sooner date, Im so tired of the Enfield office cancelling on me! This is the 2nd time Ive had a scheduled ultrasound In Enfield that they have called to cancel because they don't have a technician. SO HIRE ANOTHER ONE IF THIS IS AN ONGOING PROBLEM! Its not the cancelling that steams me. I get that appointments occasionally have to be rescheduled. Its when they say "Well, unfortunately the Enfield office doesn't have another appointment available for another 2 weeks". Ya ok, thats not going to work, as my Dr is talking about inducing me next week! Obviously the ultrasound is for a medical reason, not just because I want the lasted self portrait of Little Levine. The last time they cancelled, I was scheduled an ultrasound to check on the size of the cyst I had at the beginning of pregnancy, already freaking out that there may be a potential problem, they call the day before my appt and say they are short a tech and couldn't get me an appt for weeks then either . So I went to the hospital and had one done there a week later. But meanwhile, they made me worry for a whole extra week! To top it off, I had a bad experience with those people. I was ready to punch the tech in the nose by the time I left. Im so looking forward to going back! Now, Steve wont be able to go, and I had to make arraingments for Zachary as its right when he is getting out of school, but what choice do I have? I either wait for Enfield in 2 weeks, wait for Hartford to get me in in 3 weeks, (in either case this baby will prbably still be cooking and be the size of a turkey) or take this appt. Both times, the people that called have made me aware that there really isnt an appointment available at the hospital, but they will "squeeze me in" and "do me a favor". Lovley. How nice of them.

37 Weeks 5 days appt.

Im still hanging on! Still 2 centimeters. Baby's still growing. Im still swelling. Im having this baby by next week if he doesn't come on his own before then. My Dr's are waiting for my ultrasound Thursday to see how big he is. They predict right now he is about 8 and a half lbs or more, based on my last ultrasound's calculations. They said if he is over 8 lbs, they will offer me to be induced. If he's over 9lbs, (which is entirely possible) they will offer me a scheduled C section. I have another appointment on Monday 1/8 to discuss the options after the ultrasound. In either case, I should have the baby by next week! At least we have that to look forward to and theres an end in sight! We cant wait to meet him! My BP is starting to creep up. Its still considered in the normal range, but that is something they have been watching through the entire pregnancy due to my history with high BP. Thats all I have for now folks, keep your fingers crossed he comes asap!